Is it god who chokes in these situations?

Whats the point really? Like why are we here? Why should I care if I look nice or do my homework? Why should i like people, date, or make friends? Why should it matter?! I heard once that life is just something we think about all a big dream. It really made me think...I wish i could ask god, "God is everyone here make believe?" But when we really need things we don't, were pros at building up walls to shelter us against pain...i wish i could tear mine down and create a force i dont think i have..what would people do? would they pity me? Would they think i pity myself?, Am selfish and ungrateful?, thats why i wouldnt tear my walls down they would force me to try and paste them back up with used cement harding myself to i stick into my wall till it over takes me.. And i dont care if you are the most happy go lucky person in the world, we all have pain, heartache, been dissed, and slit cases of depression we remember the worst insults or the ones that we mearly surpassed but haunts us 3 years from now..Why deal with people when they all have the potentail to hurt..but why not? Eh rather go out there and do something then sit at home and collect recollections. God i guess you need to show me that your to live for..wow jk i just that apfany!! haah :D ------enasni ydal seog ot?

oh if only i had been listening.

i wish i had more time here..sort of.. i wish i used my time wiser. If i was to not watse time with things that dont actually matter. i could learn so much more, i could acquire skills that are helpful and needed..Instead I fill my mind and time with stupid things that wont even matter in a day, a week, a month. I wish i could pay attention, when someone tells me i look pretty, or that i should take a salsa class, but i disrigard things that i think arent like me or i over analize things that are so plain. If we all could believe in the geniune-ty of people or stop caring that they called a snob 3 years ago we could care about more important things not be so wrapped up in ourselves..(mr.worth i completly understand why you havent told anyone im good at this)..b/c im a little unzipped at the top..

Going through the motions

Ah the ways life twists and turns (actually its mainly our emotions). But teenage days of new adventures and wanting to bolt your door in front of your moms face. Anyways...have you ever relized the way we use people..or not even realize them..or the way we just cant be without some. i had an apifany that this is the people we are..not who or what we (ourselfs) think we are. We are the way we laugh so hard it hurts, when we wake up groaning to the world, the way we listen/or dont, and the way we show our nervousness. People. I wonder how we can know someones qirks and actually love them so much that we look forward to them. People. were all made of the same parts, the same stages in life, but differnt experances and hobbies. People. What makes some bad and good? People. Humans the most advanced speices we know of...but some are dumber than a chipmunk. People. How could someone be racist when there is so many diversitys you could never figure them all out. People...amaze me
but im just a kooky lady so disregard what ive confused you with