Confidence is it all that counts?

I have always been willing to do differnt things b/c unlike many teenagers i don't want to be popular i dont even know who really fits that defintion at my school haha i just like to do the things that make me happy no drama. And that usually equals i like being friends with boys and then girls freak out on me, but anyways back to the subject.so i havent needed confidence for that but other things i never knew i needed or had confidence to do..reason i am relizing this now..im lossing confidence!! EEk i dont want to but lately i have been slightly agitated by the way i look and the way act...even though this is me. Im kinda known for crazy things and i have mellowed down alot this is probably b/c im getting older and maturing but goodness im only 15 i dont want to grow up i wanna break rules and be giddy from stupid jokes(or boys haha). Another thing, i changed myself over the summer so i would be pretter through medication(not saying b/c im not advising people do it) and it worked wonderfully i was getting tons of attention and i loved it until all of a sudden my "problem" started coming back and now i am way worse b/c i know what its like to look in the mirror and not want to break it. i was at the best point in my life for 2 months and its falling before me im worried im going to need help. when you talk to me you might notice i have some obvious problems but this is making me so much worse im sick of myself, and my face, my body,my personality, the way i am, my lifestyle, my hair, everday i get up and go hey i hate you so confidence=gone. I mean i went through alot of hard things for that medication and it messed me up for aparently no reason and peers dont make fun of me only 2 people knew about it (other than my parents) and this shit messed me up, so much that for 5 months i was miserable just to feel on top of the world for 2 months and i would keep doing this to myself. for years. tomarrow i go back to the doctor i got it from, probably to redo the whole process.
sometimes i just want to slap myself(why dont you do it?next time you see me do it!)
-maybe you should think about turning me into the syc-ward yourself..<3 your quickly becoming desperate teenager