I've been proven guilty

Emotions. reactions to an experience that the brain transmits as good or bad.Neuroscience. Is honestly making me bawl right now.(STOP READING NOW) no i didn't spell bowl wrong. Cry,sniffle, cough, escaping a bubbly moaning sound making my mascara drag down, mucus flow out my nose, face redden and be very distorted. I haven't cried since i puked this summer. (STOP READING NOW)
Neuroscience and my need to be a success makes me want to good. want to learn, get good grades be good at athletics, get a scholarship, be looked up to. (Sorry this is confusing to read but my brain is sending a lot of impulses at the moment.) (STOP STOP STOP) my brother, everyone i know stereotypes him, making me a very pathetic teenager and sister to :( do it too. Tells me over and over again i think I'm better than everyone else and I'm a bitch. I never thought it mattered to me but, it crashed into me now, I've hit the brick wall. It's true. Not just my brother thinks this either my whole family does they can all hear me crying right now.typing this down, laughing at the t.v. together in the other room. I've dissed them so badly i don't think they care about me anymore. Love and care is different they have to love me and take care of me, but to care if I'm crying, if i stain my favorite sweater, to pat me on the back and say its okay....that's gone. They have a great reason to though.
I'm guessing my friends think this too they must. I honestly didn't think i was like this, always joking about it, because i do like people and try not to judge or be too rude. but i don't think its funny anymore. I think I've just lost that humor. I'm scared no one likes change their body rejects it usually. How will this change me?
I don't feel above anyone right now, i want to move outside and live with the pigs. I am disgusted with myself, my personality, i don't want to be a success anymore i want to feel loved, by someone other then my sister or a temporary boyfriend, for the first time in my life, a hug that tells me I'm perfect the way i am. It wont come as they turn up the volume and avoid the bitch in the other room, getting their justice. I think I'm going to pour out all my fluid through my eyes today. Epiphany has been served. (I TRIED TO STOP YOU)