men and mice have nothing in common.

okay so i want to formally apoligize for my last blog it sucked..but i am really confused lately mostly with myself and trying to please the people around me its driving me mad (i guess you could tell hehe)
so anyways...we had this book in j10...and well it sucked i hate it...i dont read books like this....(sorry about all the dots...) and we have to write a review about it..we have to find a good piont of view for it to. the books about a mental guy and a normal guy that takes care of him. the mental guy kills this girl and the normal guy kills him its set in western time (ishhh). i so dont want to write this review but i need an a in this class...im not going to get it and then im not going to get a scholarship and then i wont go to college blah this class sucks sooo much
--sorry about these blogs im in a really bad mood..i should have done these a diff. day

dont read this you will undeniably be disgusteed by..mmeee

ergggg.!! thats what i feel like doing just screaming that like a old hominad or something of that nature...all b/c of high school drama...im falling back into old patterns which is fine but when im around certain people my personality changes and i dont want it tooo i wanna be 100% au' natural all the time...reminder to self do what you need, do what you want, do what you think is right, be you, only laugh when you think something is funny, listen to good music feel just enough pain, and good forbid dont believe anything that seems too insane/good/bad to be true. sorry i cant really include actuall information b/c im so confuzzled i want to rip up my notebook uuuurrrgggg
--so insane im going barbaric......blllllllllllllaaaaaaggger

wASTe oF TimE

IM NOT SURE I NEED TO DO ANOTHER BLOG FOR THIS WEEK(though i have more than my other classmates b/c i think their fun) SO JUST IN CASE..I HOPE I GET AN A IN J10 CLASS B/C I WANT TO GET SCHOARSHIPS TO BE A NEORSURGEON!!

Kill me romantically

sooooooo im pretty much dieing of boredem..seriously....i havent done anything since thursday night... your probably like wow weirdo cant go 3 days of no activity..then i guess your right. To be honest i absolutly loath being by myself (yeah im one of the girls that cant even go to the b-room alone, and is quite clingy)and at my house and ive been pretty much trapped here with just my direct household memebers...all because of snow. Its filled up my driveway and my parents dont want to go anywhere and dont want people to have to drive out to my house uggg im so out of ideas of what to do i just sit on my but all day stealing (oh please dont tell the cops) music and watching videos aka=wasting time.. haha and their are dramas in my life (damnit again..boys) and that doesnt even seem to fill up my days. I'll just put it this way..they can't seem to want you unless there are 2 others wanting you too but it shall be fun possibly :). If you got ideas to do something let me know..or better yet just come kidnap me!
-im lossing my sense of personality as well its frying with no interaction..i wonder if thats another symptom of crazyness..i think it is!!

I know I may look helpful but im not. Maybe i should sneer/grimmace more often.

I have mentioned before in one of my derailed blogs that im mean. Well lately (actually about 5 years) i have been trying to change that. I'd been sick of people talking about how much of a jerk i am behind my back. But anyways im having problems with doing this lately. so im going to vent on this blog. Backstory: Friend has crush on friend, she tells him and shit theres pretty much nothing you can do at this point other than see if he feels the same so i push them along to think about dating and she completly second quesses it, but thats not the bad part, shes mad at me now. Im just like if you didnt want my help you could have told me, not ask me "what should i do jasmine?!"..ugh and im just thinking you shouldnt have told him if its such a big deal. People just need to relize i barely understand whats going on with me (brink of insane isylum remember?) and then helping them...if you want to ask help or advice go ahead just dont tell me i messed it up or get mad b/c i do exactally what you were hoping for...grrr.
Another puncher in my life lately (damnit) is a boy. He's all cocky and im just like WHAT DO YOU WANT?! hes all like im your edward (like in twilight) and im thinking no your not you dumped me, edward loves...(btw im in love w/taylor laurent! <3)..bella!! make up your mind before i have to slap some sense in you darling
People want to stress me out a little more just to make me go insane. I'm some doctors experiment on crazy people i just know it! (sorry worth i ocassionally swear but i dont every other word and you will never hear me say anything vulgar in class)

Filling the space

i dont have enough time to blog today or frankly this week. I will post again soon i promise
<3 your trying to maintain a 3.900 grade average-psycho

Confidence is it all that counts?

I have always been willing to do differnt things b/c unlike many teenagers i don't want to be popular i dont even know who really fits that defintion at my school haha i just like to do the things that make me happy no drama. And that usually equals i like being friends with boys and then girls freak out on me, but anyways back to the subject.so i havent needed confidence for that but other things i never knew i needed or had confidence to do..reason i am relizing this now..im lossing confidence!! EEk i dont want to but lately i have been slightly agitated by the way i look and the way act...even though this is me. Im kinda known for crazy things and i have mellowed down alot this is probably b/c im getting older and maturing but goodness im only 15 i dont want to grow up i wanna break rules and be giddy from stupid jokes(or boys haha). Another thing, i changed myself over the summer so i would be pretter through medication(not saying b/c im not advising people do it) and it worked wonderfully i was getting tons of attention and i loved it until all of a sudden my "problem" started coming back and now i am way worse b/c i know what its like to look in the mirror and not want to break it. i was at the best point in my life for 2 months and its falling before me im worried im going to need help. when you talk to me you might notice i have some obvious problems but this is making me so much worse im sick of myself, and my face, my body,my personality, the way i am, my lifestyle, my hair, everday i get up and go hey i hate you so confidence=gone. I mean i went through alot of hard things for that medication and it messed me up for aparently no reason and peers dont make fun of me only 2 people knew about it (other than my parents) and this shit messed me up, so much that for 5 months i was miserable just to feel on top of the world for 2 months and i would keep doing this to myself. for years. tomarrow i go back to the doctor i got it from, probably to redo the whole process.
sometimes i just want to slap myself(why dont you do it?next time you see me do it!)
-maybe you should think about turning me into the syc-ward yourself..<3 your quickly becoming desperate teenager

Poems may be cheesey but cheese is good

Mmkay so i wrote these over the last 6 months most have no meaning,except the last one and dont make fun of me writing poems is semi-difficult. And if you started reading my blogs starting with this one. stop! go to the next one, actually the one after that is better i think.. i usually dont write like this haha

Gone

The Pain oh it burns
Burns and singes at a heart so cold
The Heart knew he was gone
It knew he could not come back.
It knew she didn't want it back. No
No matter how many tears stained her cheeks
A heart burning with the memories of the past and feeling its own beat
He said he'd always be there through the great and Terrible
But the heart knows now these were lies covered by a soft touch
That he wouldn't couldn't love her enough to follow though
She hoped his heart burned its own new pain
A heart that pained with regret and lies should be his pain
Oh he knows and it saddens him
But he is gone and nothing can change that
Oh the burn it pained


The Mother

We disgrace her beauty
She gives us gifts and we toss them back to her
She shows us the most beautiful things the human eye can grace
But we see them as useless we let them die and be destroyed
She tries to help us and forgives us over and over again letting us try anew
Oh but we rebel like a young child reasonless we ignore her
We fight against her as we would our own birth mothers
But the mother she grows old she can't do this too much longer
She wonders if she should tell us her secrets and give us her trust
But she knows she must soon her age is starting to show like a great ripple effecting the face of her
She's starting to surrender she's given us the tools she's given the warning signs
Now it's our turn can we help old Mother Nature? Or will we selfishly thrust the door shut on her?
STOP GLOBAL WARMING
Rage
Guess my name
I pulse, I ruin, I show
I grow upon you till you can take it no more
You can't stop me it’s a human trait
I tear the ones you love most away
I can pull and tug you from their gripping hearts
And still you will be convince it's your fault
You could have controlled me, beat me away
I come to visit you at the worst of times
You can feel me gain power, your aware I'm there
Many's bloods are in these hands of mine
I stain your past and your life too.
I can make someone toss away all they know and work for in a minute
I am powerful yes but I can be weakened but my foes of, great understanding, unbelievable forgiveness, trust, onward hope, and of course that of undying love
Guess my name…

Teacher
You take one look you can tell
The girl she smiles back at you
She doesn’t hid herself or be ashamed
She has accepted she's sick
The doctors and adults say she's so brave and strong
As the illness spreads in her body thinning her
But the mind and the soul they are healthy they are pure
Her optimism is great, it may be slim but she knows there is a chance
But she has felt Jesus's hand grace her before
Either way she knows it is not bad
She will miss those with whom she loves and care for those she was yet to meet
She trusts in god some people try so hard for this but will never understand
And the girl will hope and this will cheer her
Hope more than her worried mother
She knows that hope can bring disappointment and devastation also
She is a teacher to all of the healthy to live not for them but for life itself

Tell me
Everyone thinks they know my future
From all who are the wise ones we call adults
You'll be tall and as pretty as your mother
Your smart and you'll have a great career
Your just like your sister, she's a great girl
Your parents are funny I bet you are too
Yeah it's nice to know I'm like my family but I'm not really
I'm me and those of my friends know that’s all I'll ever be
To change me is to add a little indent those who think they can mold me are just foolish
I already know what I want
I have dreams
I'm going to follow my destiny so please don't tell me what I will do
Because I soak it up and I don’t want you to be wrong
Just don't tell me

Your starting to get into my brain now dont cha think...well nope :D-jjjajsjajsja